really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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