someone threw a dead crab at me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
