sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
