TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
