I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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