I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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