How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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