The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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