My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
