Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize