just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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