Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
