Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love having hate sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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