Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
