You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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