if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if only i could text you this smell
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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