I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
