who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
