Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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