I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
