We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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