he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
