I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I deserve this hangover.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
