How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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