yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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