Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
