Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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