If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
