oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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