I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
