We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
