We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
