I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
