I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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