we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's great music for shaving your balls
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
