I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
