woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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