I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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