you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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