i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
