a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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