I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
