I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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