Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
not ubering you a puppy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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