why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
