I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
