Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
