I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want is dick and wine.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
