my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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