NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
