Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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