the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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