so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
