A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
love makes seman taste better
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
