It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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