Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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