1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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