I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize