Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
