So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize