Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
