I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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