True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize