Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize