This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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