I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
