uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
