Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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