im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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