hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
