Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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