Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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