I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
