I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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