Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
