'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
