True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
