Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
