i love accidental penises.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
