There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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