I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize