im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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