upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
