What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
