Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
