guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think my moral compass just broke
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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