Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
