I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
