Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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