i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
