haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
