my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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