Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
