**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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