true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
