did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
