Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
