I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
